we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Come see our sink grown plant.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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