They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
