big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
