I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The feeling are messing with the penis
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
