i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
