Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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