im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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