Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
