doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
