The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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