I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
