Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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