I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
