i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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