if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Fuck appropriateness.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
