sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
