all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
