Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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