Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
