I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize