i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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