"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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