I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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