your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
someone owes me an orgasm
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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