im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
