Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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