he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
