Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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