And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
