I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
