Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize