I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Randomize
