I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
