dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
