I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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