alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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