She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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