If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
