remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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