I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
