**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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