It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
