so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
