I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
