just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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