Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
