he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
