I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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