He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We are all done wearing pants today
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
