Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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