I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
