this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
