So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
