worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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