garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He uses pillows to masturbate.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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