i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
