i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
