You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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