your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
