Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
