Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
