wrigley field is MILF paradise
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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