Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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