you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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