it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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