She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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