Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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