There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
