you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
