i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
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All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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