I need help removing her.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!