I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
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I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
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Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.