i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.