I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.