Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll