Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
